wake&b

it's been a season or two since any contact. je m'excuse. in that time the metro ran the length of the world but didn't move. i changed latitude and longitude. and meanwhile appearances and ambiances have shifted. and meanwhile, the playground of this perception is different now too. i play in different cities. and truth has come out about bloodlines. it feels like we are closer to an end. my dreams have been nightmares and reality has offered moments of the ideal. otherwise, space is full. there are gaps. gaps where memories should be forming but aren't. the tone is violet. i confronted a major fear. actually this past weekend. so what i realized was: you can't really apologize for being human and humans have this nervous energy and to be truthful it is charming and it's definitely not perfect. we have to be okay with this. and if we are ok with our faults and shortcomings, that my friends is the trick. the trick is not to be perfect and not to mind. you can't apologize for your experience on this earth. and it is what you are. try to be better but don't be so hard on yourself. the world looks better in lo-fi. laugh when you end up in a bizarre foreign territory like the zone of friends after a layover in prebridal makeover. laugh and reroute yourself to where you need to be. which is existing and appreciating and exhibiting an openness for the right type of unintentional experience. remember that sometimes the older ones are even more clueless. you don't need to skip your 20s. laughter yoga.

summer

2005 "summer of 18" 2006 "summer of rising up! & activism" 2007 "summer of iowa city festivals & lab mice" 2008 "summer of parisian eel & swedish adventures" 2009 "summer of loose ends" 2010 "summer of dreams" 2011 "summer of sarging jan & 902" 2012 "summer of afrobeat & roots"

rush

fair warning: i need to post some concluding thoughts. fair warning: there will be [almost] nothing whimsical about this entry. uncle rush says that physically changing your address is a great way to change your mindset. in 1999, gucci rush was born and in 2012, reaffirmed. it's been three years since the red poppy. time rushes. law school was one of the most positive experiences of my life. but anyway, this isn't meant to depress. really happy news assured me this is what i'm meant to do. i am going to miss roddy & 902 parc huron & claureel & KLLACC & even lumens. this soapy box is a little sudsy but mostly appreciating because true wealth is health and nothing else. god bless!

bah-ruck

"if i marry a husband someday i'd like one who wants to sit in a chair & watch me try out hundreds of styles of dance for hours while he just beams." i would also like him to wear a sarong and smell like smoke and cologne and books. and if he were hawaiian i wouldn't mind at all.

funf schnapps.

winter is for wooly mammoths. who makes snow angels anyway?

what if you could choose your blood? i'd probably feel less inclined to want to give it all away.

the problem with primary colors is that there is not enough of them in daily life. which is really too bad. primary colors are from the earth. green and red and yellow are alive. our lives are mostly shades of grey.

i have never thought that i want to live in the mountains. until now.

re-invent yourself every 6 wks. change hair, scents, colors, clothing, activity, patterns. and your name. definitely change your name.

i keep thinking about a 3 year old girl named myar. mya. mimi. meemz.

bash~a

on the first snow of the season you should scrutinize me.

but also forgive me, i've been traveling. i'm out of practice but yesterday something happened which reminded me to write down a few secrets.

in high school ek imsnewo spawned a complex so known for the way he made people react in his presence. he wasn't particularly great. not the cutest or the smartest. but the right might of cocky and inquisitive, persistent and a little bla-zay.

one of the hardest things is to always be yourself. the most bizarre thing is to have people think you are one way when in reality you are exactly another.

ek imsnewo made me everything i hated. forget charming, casual, and confident. instead, bumbling, hot, and completely choppy. not seamless. you must know. i didn't even like ek. i didn't! i thought it was a pubescent phenomenon. but then years later when the guy with the car maurice hated drove through town what started so perfectly turned into exactly ek. and the stories go on. more than half way through the year of the golden eel and i can tell you, ek strikes again.

i just don't understand what the remedy is? if you have some insight then let me know. people like ek ask personal questions that you haven't even considered the answers to. they engage in intellectual cornering. i avoid people like ek. similarly, those who love white chocolate and those who self proclaim a habitude of naps.

my worst nightmare is to sing in front of a billion people.
my best nightmare is me in a bang of gangs.

in trying to locate anecdotes and stories about bashful people, i keep stumbling upon an islamic website which refers to bashfulness as a pious quality.

this is actually pretty clarifying. i am least bashful when i am away from god. sic raphael. most bashful when a moment follows all the rules prescribed to an honest human interaction.

i've been saying for years people, keep it light. i am deepest alone with my mirror & GOD. adding anyone to the equation is funny and not good for fading.

FOR THE RECORD. i'm not shy. but i only like to put on a show where i am the star and not an extra. that's as reasonable as can be. as can be.

i am thinking that i am completely not ready for love.

it's been months since i pulled out the larousse. and it's been never since someone read to me.

two times twice as much

summer came and went. and now it's time for the year of twice as much.

an iconic time to commit to these things considering it's the year of the golden eel. much aligns but ends are loose and a leetle flaky.

philip zimbardo dated a graduate student in the 1970's and she protested to his dark arrangements.

templeton, iowa came for a visit to the motel bar some time back and i didn't bail a friend out of jail.

a little lamb lost her pearls, but i've recently found mine.

he was mistaken for someone wearing a jean jacket.

my mother is cured (for now).