bash~a

on the first snow of the season you should scrutinize me.

but also forgive me, i've been traveling. i'm out of practice but yesterday something happened which reminded me to write down a few secrets.

in high school ek imsnewo spawned a complex so known for the way he made people react in his presence. he wasn't particularly great. not the cutest or the smartest. but the right might of cocky and inquisitive, persistent and a little bla-zay.

one of the hardest things is to always be yourself. the most bizarre thing is to have people think you are one way when in reality you are exactly another.

ek imsnewo made me everything i hated. forget charming, casual, and confident. instead, bumbling, hot, and completely choppy. not seamless. you must know. i didn't even like ek. i didn't! i thought it was a pubescent phenomenon. but then years later when the guy with the car maurice hated drove through town what started so perfectly turned into exactly ek. and the stories go on. more than half way through the year of the golden eel and i can tell you, ek strikes again.

i just don't understand what the remedy is? if you have some insight then let me know. people like ek ask personal questions that you haven't even considered the answers to. they engage in intellectual cornering. i avoid people like ek. similarly, those who love white chocolate and those who self proclaim a habitude of naps.

my worst nightmare is to sing in front of a billion people.
my best nightmare is me in a bang of gangs.

in trying to locate anecdotes and stories about bashful people, i keep stumbling upon an islamic website which refers to bashfulness as a pious quality.

this is actually pretty clarifying. i am least bashful when i am away from god. sic raphael. most bashful when a moment follows all the rules prescribed to an honest human interaction.

i've been saying for years people, keep it light. i am deepest alone with my mirror & GOD. adding anyone to the equation is funny and not good for fading.

FOR THE RECORD. i'm not shy. but i only like to put on a show where i am the star and not an extra. that's as reasonable as can be. as can be.

i am thinking that i am completely not ready for love.

it's been months since i pulled out the larousse. and it's been never since someone read to me.